With our lives taking a little different track this year, some guilt has filled my heart. When I didn't receive a raise last year and John's iffy salary, we knew we needed to explore options for our family. John has been telling me for a few years to head back to school, but the thought of studying sent chills up my spine and I couldn't find a program that didn't add a huge amount of debt to my student loans. I'm afraid to even say that I will be finished paying my current (minus ASU loans) by the time I graduate. Oh well! Anyway, I found a program and decided to knock out the program as quickly as I can. Therefore, this plan of leads to some guilty feelings. You see, I don't read books to my kids, sing songs to them at bedtime, pray with them before bed, because I begin schoolwork at 8:30 and work for several hours.
So, as I was talking with my Mom the other day, she asked me why I care so much about my grades. You see, (and I'm no longer ashamed of this) I wasn't the best student growing up. I was a daydreamer, people watcher, and above anything else a social butterfly. I never wanted to miss a day of school because I didn't want to miss being with my friends. I give 100% credit to Holy Cross for instilling this in me-while some may feel like this is a hinderance, my Holy Cross friends are one of a kind and we were close-something public education lacks (another blog post, for another time). Back to my point, when I went off to MoWest, I started to really enjoy my classes and I loved my peer group. I still keep in touch with many of my student teaching friends. It was finally at that point, I felt confident. Then I went off to get my Masters and loved every minute of those classes as well. I even had classes with 2 of my teachers from Holy Cross and that was weird, but fun! It was in those classes at Webster I really began to take school seriously. I wanted a 4.0 GPA in the worst way! Well, I'm sad to say, I didn't receive the 4.0, I graduated with a 3.97. I got an A- in one class. Now, I'm sitting here at Arkansas State University in the top 15% of my cohort and feeling pretty good. At this very moment, I'm sweating, because in my Ethical Leadership class, I may get an A-, which would blow my chance at a 4.0. So, as I was working out today, I started thinking, You're 37, does your GPA matter? Why are you so fixated on your GPA? And more questions kept coming to mind......
I finally came to this conclusion. As a teacher, I see dozens and dozens of kids who struggle. With the development of social media, some of my former students are struggling as adults. Because of my experiences, I don't want my little blessings to struggle like me and I want them to learn the "game" earlier than I did. Am I trying to set an example for my kids?
Dear Kyle,
You are one-of-a-kind! You are the sweetest little boy I know and I hope you always stay sweet. You are going to have trials in life with school, friends, faith, but leaning on your faith will see you through. When we sit in your parent-teacher conferences, it's obvious school comes easy to you. As a teacher, you are the dream child to have in class. As a parent, I want you to stay true to yourself and love learning with humbleness. If the time ever comes that you struggle, I pray you are honest with yourself and ask for help. You are capable of anything and will go far in this world. You can be anything you want to be, but I hope you are a Child of God first! I will love you always! Mama
Dear Kianna,
You are such a special little girl. When I found out you were a little girl, I was nervous. But I quickly learned that you are very strong and independent. Two very important traits for girls to have. I have loved watching you grow in Preschool this year and I love when you ask questions about numbers and letters. Kianna, your dreams and faith will take you far in this big world. I will support you in whatever God has planned for you. Always follow God's plan for you and take time to grow in your faith. I will always love you! Mommy P.S. I just know you will make a great Mommy someday!
Dear Natalie,
I've only had 19 months to learn about you and your little personality. I have a sneaky suspicion you are going to be a little social butterfly. I love listening to you talk (babble) and I hope it never gets in the way of your dreams. I love that you are persistent, and aren't afraid to try something new. Your excitement and love for life is something most people lose as they get older. Natalie, I hope your light is always shining for Jesus and you follow his plan that he designed for you. I will always be your advocate and support your dreams. I pray you always put God first in your life! I love you! Mommy
And going back to "playing the game", my Dad taught me at a very young age about playing the game, and so Dad, I'm "playing the game" and playing it well one last time in my life!
